A sleepless night
This post is a notes that was posted in March 2011. I have reposted here in order to combine all the notes just in one place.
A sleepless night
by David Aye Myat Godwiller on Tuesday, 22 March 2011 at 01:36
I could not sleep tonight. I do not know why. I could not sleep. Last night I slept around 2330 but tonight I could not sleep. I don't do good to go to bed early on Friday night but last week I was not doing anything and I was perfectly OK with that and could fall asleep in less than half an hour.
Then why I cannot sleep tonight? I am still awake with too many mysteries while my friends from Mae Sot are enjoying the biggest party feast ever and uploading pictures on FB. I am not a party animal nor a socialite but I'd go to most of the occasions hosted by colleagues as a courtesy and building teamworks! Now, I missed this big party. Was it the cause of my sleeplessness? No, I have come across missing so many parties but I never felt like this. I was able to sleep like a log.
Then why I cannot sleep tonigiht? A week ago, to be exact, on 11 March 2011, I got an email from the University of Hong Kong which is the Top university in Asia and ranked 23rd in the world. It was a conditional admission offer. I have never been a fulltime university student in my life. I did enroll and study in the University of Distance Education but all I had to do was to copy and submitted the assignments. Then when the exams are closer, 10 days intensive courses will be conducted and a degree could be completed eventually. I really wanted to be a fulltime student studying in a real university campus. I finally had to decide not to accept the offer and while I am writing this now, I noticed that I am crying. I did make that decision after talking and listening to so many people who have more experience than me in life and I am sure I took this decision without regret. Is that a very stressful moment in life to overcome? I did consider reasonbly to make this decision.
Then why I cannot sleep tonight? It was my dream to be a fulltime university student but since I finished my secondary, all I had to do was work and work. Life was tough as I was born gay. I could not end up my life working in the farms, I left my home town and started my own life. As far as I could remember, I officially started working while I was 19 years old. Now, I am turning into 29 years old. I got breaks during my 10 years working period and I could not forget them at all as they have been short but I got relaxed and prepared during these 4 periods: 1) 1 - 5 March 2006, 2) 18 - 22 July 2007 3) 1 - 27 April 2008 4) 1 to 6 March 2011. I could hardly take long holidays and I hate being lonely without doing anything. But Am I too pressured by works and is that effecting my metabolism? But I did sleep well during this 10 years period.
Then why I cannot sleep tonight? Tonight, the Japanese government announced the nuclear disaster event level 5. I read news articles and from there I happened to read the atomic bombs and the tales of the two cities as well as 1986 Chernobyl disaster. Many things came into my mind. Is the nuclear energy is a safe form of energy? Even when it has been in careful operation, natural disasters are beyond the control and it made things difficult control. What is going to be next? Now it is 4 am in the morning.
Let me try to sleep again! My eyes are sore now.
David (pour toi) | 20 March 2011 @ 0405 | Mae Sariang | Thailand
A sleepless night
by David Aye Myat Godwiller on Tuesday, 22 March 2011 at 01:36
I could not sleep tonight. I do not know why. I could not sleep. Last night I slept around 2330 but tonight I could not sleep. I don't do good to go to bed early on Friday night but last week I was not doing anything and I was perfectly OK with that and could fall asleep in less than half an hour.
Then why I cannot sleep tonight? I am still awake with too many mysteries while my friends from Mae Sot are enjoying the biggest party feast ever and uploading pictures on FB. I am not a party animal nor a socialite but I'd go to most of the occasions hosted by colleagues as a courtesy and building teamworks! Now, I missed this big party. Was it the cause of my sleeplessness? No, I have come across missing so many parties but I never felt like this. I was able to sleep like a log.
Then why I cannot sleep tonigiht? A week ago, to be exact, on 11 March 2011, I got an email from the University of Hong Kong which is the Top university in Asia and ranked 23rd in the world. It was a conditional admission offer. I have never been a fulltime university student in my life. I did enroll and study in the University of Distance Education but all I had to do was to copy and submitted the assignments. Then when the exams are closer, 10 days intensive courses will be conducted and a degree could be completed eventually. I really wanted to be a fulltime student studying in a real university campus. I finally had to decide not to accept the offer and while I am writing this now, I noticed that I am crying. I did make that decision after talking and listening to so many people who have more experience than me in life and I am sure I took this decision without regret. Is that a very stressful moment in life to overcome? I did consider reasonbly to make this decision.
Then why I cannot sleep tonight? It was my dream to be a fulltime university student but since I finished my secondary, all I had to do was work and work. Life was tough as I was born gay. I could not end up my life working in the farms, I left my home town and started my own life. As far as I could remember, I officially started working while I was 19 years old. Now, I am turning into 29 years old. I got breaks during my 10 years working period and I could not forget them at all as they have been short but I got relaxed and prepared during these 4 periods: 1) 1 - 5 March 2006, 2) 18 - 22 July 2007 3) 1 - 27 April 2008 4) 1 to 6 March 2011. I could hardly take long holidays and I hate being lonely without doing anything. But Am I too pressured by works and is that effecting my metabolism? But I did sleep well during this 10 years period.
Then why I cannot sleep tonight? Tonight, the Japanese government announced the nuclear disaster event level 5. I read news articles and from there I happened to read the atomic bombs and the tales of the two cities as well as 1986 Chernobyl disaster. Many things came into my mind. Is the nuclear energy is a safe form of energy? Even when it has been in careful operation, natural disasters are beyond the control and it made things difficult control. What is going to be next? Now it is 4 am in the morning.
Let me try to sleep again! My eyes are sore now.
David (pour toi) | 20 March 2011 @ 0405 | Mae Sariang | Thailand
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